As we start reaching the middle of February, love is in the air. Couples are being all lovey dovey and making everyone around them uncomfortable. Single people have always said how much they hate this holiday so I have a solution for them. We have to go after the one person blamed for love. The year is 700 BC, here the two planets Mars, the god of war, and Venus, the goddess of love, give birth to the one and only Cupid.
Cupid is a childish little boy who has almost completely no care for others. It gets so bad that he decides to fly around the air space blindfolded sometimes. As he is flying around, he decides to shoot random people with his magical bow making people either love or hate each other. Cupid started growing up and causing havoc since he was a kid. When he was a kid he tried to steal honey from bees he went and threw a fit and went to tell his mom who, being the Goddess she is, laughed at him.
That absolute man baby can’t take a joke at all. One time the God of archery Apollo was lightly making fun of Cupid for not being as good with a bow then him. Well Cupid didn’t like that one bit so he told Apollo how it was hurting his feelings. Did he just walk away? No, of course not, he decided to force Apollo to love a underage woman with his gold arrow, the one that makes people fall madly in love, and then shot that girl with his lead arrow, the one that makes that person hate and despise the first person they see. This Robin Hood wanna be also has a lot of connection to the Devil’s Tango which is very much NOT the Kahok way. This 2725 year old man baby is very buddy buddy with dolphins who are the most two-faced creature on all of earth. Dolphins may seem all majestical and fun, but they will brutally beat and attack anything that they see so Cupid being pals with these animals is very interesting.
Many before have tried to hunt down this monster but many have failed because whenever anyone were to get close, that tiny five year old would shoot them with lead, making them run away. We need to be able to sneak up on this monster somehow. I say we place those expensive mediocre heart-shaped chocolate boxes in a trap and then capture him for good. Once we have him, I’m sure that the U.S. Government will be more than happy to take him from us. He will never be a problem for us ever again.
